분야
hwp Turn it up.
Dang.
Thats what Im talking about. L.A.!
Radio station l.D.
Coming to work. Joe Dirt.
Dont try and church it up, son.
Dont you mean Joe Dirt?
Naming you that, your daddy
must have really hated you.
Youre wrong, brother.
I got a good name
for this car: Rusty.
-Shitll buff out.
-Dont bother.
Drive this piece of crap off a cliff.
Do us all a favor.
This look like a piece of crap
to you?!
You like them spinning tires?
-You suck!
-You do!
Did he hurt you, baby?
People like that security guard
dont really mean what they say.
They just got their own issues.
Alls I got to do is keep
being a good person.
No matter what,
good thingsll come my way.
Everything will happen for me, as long
as I never have " no" in my heart.
Cant a guy even take a dump
in peace? Psycho.
-Fucking cocksucker.
-Right on.
Things are going to happen for me.
Im Joe Dirt!
Im going to the restroom
to take a big Joe.
Dont forget to wipe your dirt.
You boys got something to say?
Why dont you talk in the microphone?
I got a backup mike right here.
Check, one, two. Testing, testing.
They both work and they dont
like no feedback. Whats up?
Whats going on? Keep it down.
Zander Kellys on the air.
Whats the deal with your haircut?
Im sorry about the noise, sir.
This aint no haircut. This is a wig.
A wig.... Look at you.
Jesus!
I got somebody I want you to meet.
Come with me.
Come on back.
This is Zander Kelly.
Youre listening to . KXLA.
All-aberration radio, all the time.
Zander. You got to see this guy.
God almighty! Manna from
inbred heaven. Hey, freak-boy.
called.
It wants its hairstyle back.
Zander, get this: This is a wig.
What are you wearing a wig for? You
doing stunt work for Billy Ray Cyrus?
Freddy, go get " Free Bird"-boy here
an all-access laminate...
...for the show in perpetuity. Im
wringing this chamois as long as I can.
You are exquisitely pathetic.
Whats your name, pal?
Joe Dirt, but if youre just gonna make
fun of me, Ill go back to mopping.
Sit down. Let me take another tact.
Mr. Dirt, whats with the wig?
I was born without the top of my skull.
A little bit of my brains was showing,
grossing everybody out.
So my mom put this wig on me
to cover it up...
...and then the bones grew together...
...and it got all infused and entwined.
I dont mean to get all scientific
or whatever.
Why didnt your mom
change the wig later?
Actually, we got separated
when I was eight. I got lost.
You been on your own
since eight years old?
Pretty much.
Its a long story, actually.
Listen to you.
Whats the story here?
" Im a white-trash idiot." The end.
Is this where you want to be when Jesus
comes back, making fun of Joe Dirt?
Probably, because Im sure Yahweh
would be chiming in too.
Funny, because my mom used to say that
if she caught me doing stuff.
Like one time, I was jerking
my gherkin.... Can I say that?
She goes, " Is this where you want
to be when Jesus comes back?"
A real winner. Its amazing to me
you turned out like you did...
...with that sort of mentoring.
I cant say dont make fun of me...
...but you shouldnt make fun
of my mom.
Guys, you got to hear this guy
on the Zander show.
Youre on your own.
The familys ditched you. What next?
Do you really care? Its actually not
an easy story to tell.
I got four hours a day to fill, man.
Its not often I get a freak
plopped into my lap.
Go ahead. Im a roast. Baste me.
All right, man.
My parents, my sister and /
all went to the Grand Canyon.
While they checked out the sights
and donkeys and whatnot...
-.../ somehow got separated from them.
-Makes his shot.
Hey, Dad. Look. Its the good stuff.
None of that pussy Skoal. Right, Dad?
Dad?
Mom!
Dad! Mom!
Where are you?!
Dad!
Mom! Where are you?!
You can come out now.
So there / was.
A lot of kids would have been scared
but / was tough about it.
/ walked till the cops picked me up...
...and put me into a foster home.
One guy / fostered out to
for about a month.
Hed take me hunting with him
and his dog.
/ thought hunting would be,
you know, more fun than it was.
See, boy, he goes off and fetches
the duck. You see how that works?
Fun, huh?
After that, / spent time
with people who worked on a farm.
/ learned cows dont find
bottle rockets as funny as / do.
Then there was this old lady
who had me for a couple weeks.
/ dont want to be unkind,
but she was a little off-balanced.
Scrub clean before supper.
And that means wash
under your fingernails...
...and back of your ears
and dress in your Sunday best.
I expect your schoolwork done every
night, laid out for my inspection.
-Is that clear?
-Yes, maam.
Can I push him off my leg?
Hell stop humping
as soon as hes done.
Well, the year was .
/ was years old now, and /d gotten
in a little trouble here and there...
...so / was in a juvie home
for boys...
...and / was getting ready
to split that scene, and pronto.
Bob Seger?
Be honest, it was Leif Garrett.
It was probably more like this:
No, sir, man. I dont like that crap.
Im a rocker, through and through.
Heres my favorite bands: AC/DC,
Van Halen, not V
