분야
hwp ( war drums)
(man on TV) The ceremonial passage
into manhood involves risk for the warrior.
If he triumphs over his prey,
he will be accepted as an adult.
If he fails, it will cost him
his future status in the tribe,
and possibly his life.
I wish it was that easy in my tribe.
See, Im Jewish,
and our ritual is called a bar mitzvah.
We have to get up
in front of people
and give a speech in this really
hard language called Hebrew.
Then theres the party.
(foghorn blows)
In some neighborhoods,
the party becomes a lot more important
than anything else.
I live in one of those neighborhoods.
My problems started
at Zachary Steins bar-mitzvah party,
which, believe it or not,
was on a cruise ship.
(drumroll)
(man) In 1912, we had the original Titanic,
in 1997, Titanic the movie,
and today, Titanic,
the bar mitzvah!
- Cue the iceberg.
- Icebergs.
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
the man of the hour, Zachary Stein!
( orchestral)
- Jaws are dropping, honey.
- Im so proud of him.
- Cue the mermaids.
- Mermaids.
Zach wanted a movie theme,
but his parents wouldnt go for "Kill Bill."
Today I am...
the king of the Torah!
( "Its Your Party"
by the Lashes)
(cheering)
I spent a month
Tryin to get attention from you
Whoo!
I spent a month
doing everything I can...
(boy) This party rules!
And I just wanna be invited...
Whoo!
And I just wanna be...
- Look at all this ice cream.
- Is this low-carb?
(all talking)
This ice cream is awesome.
(boy) Great party, Zach!
The Steins were, like,
the happiest family in America.
The Fiedlers were, like, not, which is
a big-time bite, cause Im with them.
My dad always wanted to be a movie
producer, but he became an agent,
which is like being a pimp
for TV and movie stars.
My moms, like, normal.
- Is anyone here a relative?
- Theyre by the bathroom, actually.
Its just over the top.
Its too much.
- Thats how we do business in this town.
- Its ridiculous. Thank you.
There I am,
the life of the party.
And there she is.
I thought Ashley was perfect.
She was totally hot, and she cared about
the important things in life.
- Is my lip gloss too shiny?
- No, its great.
- I like your hair.
- Its gel.
Dont worry.
I fired him.
My father and Zachs were best friends
until my dad started his own agency
and took his two biggest clients with him.
They still act buddy-buddy, but its all bull.
- Jo-Jo.
- Hey.
Wow... is all I can say. Wow.
Zachs stepmoms from Texas.
His dad met her at a wet T-shirt contest.
- I feel so much nachos.
- Nachas, Raylene. Nachas.
Isnt she adorable? You can take
the girl out of Dallas, which I did...
(fake laughs)
Well, Arnie, Raylene,
this is all so, um...
Impressive.
Thats the point.
- Benjamin will bar mitzvah this summer.
- Yes.
What are you gonna do?
- Not much...
- We have surprises.
- Really?
- We have surprises.
- Youll need em.
- (fake laughs)
All right...
is everybody having fun tonight?
(guests cheering)
OK, crew, get ready,
because DJ Quik is in the hizzy.
( "The Hava Nagila Slide"
by Blake and Spizer)
Yall ready to have a good time tonight?
(cheering)
We gonna party like we in Compton.
Everybody, sing with us.
Hava nagila
Beer, wine, tequila
Party here on all the way,
Zach became a man today
Say, Hava nagila
Beer, wine, tequila
Sing it! Go, Zach,
go, Zach, go, Zach.
Hava nagila
Beer, wine, tequila
Before you love those chicks up
on your wife at this bar mitzvah
You gotta meet my crew,
icebergs and babka, too
Its goin down tonight
Get low, get ready for the ride
Hava nagila
Beer, wine, tequila
Before you meet my crew
you got to have a drink, too
Hava nagila
Beer, wine, tequila
(woman) Give it up
for DJ Quik, everybody!
(cheers and applause)
( "Shiny Happy People"
by The Polyphonic Spree)
Here we go.
Doot doot doot doot
Doot doot doo-doot...
Shiny happy people
holding hands
Shiny happy people
holding hands
Shiny happy people laughing
Shiny happy people
holding hands
Shiny happy people...
Now here we have a Versace-themed
confirmation that was held at the Vatican.
And here is a Rastafarian gay marriage
which was held in Encino.
And here... Oh, we had
a Las Vegas-themed faux mitzvah.
We were talking about upscaling our plans.
- A little.
- Lot. Lot.
- We must zero in on a theme.
- Yes.
We cant really do anything
until we zero in.
Im not here.
Im invisible.
Im just the grandmother, and if I happen
to have an opinion, Ill keep it to myself.
Sit, Miss Invisible.
Benji, do you have
any idea how lucky you are?
This will be amazing, but before we do
any of it, we have to pin down our theme.
Do more pinning,
more pinning.
Im a little shaky
on my themes right now.
- We need to make sure...
- We know what were doing.
Thats what we need to make sure of.
Its three months away.
We have no idea what were doing.
Thats a problem right now.
- Oy.
- What?
- Im not saying anything.
- We have the temple reserved.
Joanne, it doesnt matter what happens
at the temple. Its the party that counts.
Benjamin, does this have something
to do with Zacharys bar mitzvah?
What are
