분야
hwpMISLED AND UNINFORMED
aka DUMB AND DUMBER
Screenplay by
Peter Farrelly & Bennett Yellin & Bob Farrelly
POLISHED DRAFT
11-19-93
MISLED AND UNINFORMED
FADE IN:
EXT. PROVIDENCE, RHODE ISLAND - WINTER MORNING
A PRETTY YOUNG WOMAN is standing on the street corner waiting for a bus. Shes carrying
books and looking very collegiate.
A black stretch LIMOUSINE with darkened windows drives past, SLAMS ON ITS BRAKES,
and backs up. The Young Woman stares at her reflection in the windows, wondering what this is
all about.
Finally, the REAR PASSENGER WINDOW zips down, revealing LLOYD CHRISTMAS, age
30. Hes a pleasant-enough looking guy, if a little shaggy. Hes wearing a dark suit.
LLOYD
Excuse me, can you tell me how to get
to the medical school? Im supposed
to be giving a lecture in twenty
minutes and my drivers a bit lost.
YOUNG WOMAN
(heavy European accent)
Go straight aheads and makes a left
over za bridge.
Lloyd checks out her body.
LLOYD
I couldnt help noticing the accent.
You from Jersey?
YOUNG WOMAN
(unimpressed)
Austria.
LLOYD
Austria? Youre kidding.
(mock-Australian accent)
Well, gday, mate. What do you say
we get together later and throw a few
shrimp on the barbie.
The Young Woman turns her back to him and walks away.
LLOYD (CONT.)
(to self)
Guess I wont be going Down Under
tonight?
He SIGHS and zips the window back up.
INT. LIMO
Lloyd climbs through the drivers partition into the front seat. Then he puts a CHAUFFEURS
CAP on his head and drives away. We see that HES THE DRIVER!
The dispatch radio CRACKLES TO LIFE:
DISPATCHER
(v.o.)
Carr 22, come in, car 22?
Lloyd grabs his CB mike.
LLOYD
This is 22.
DISPATCHER
22, where the hell are you, Lloyd?
Youre running late on the East Side
pick-up.
LLOYD
Cool your jets, Arnie. Im on my
way.
DISPATCHER
(v.o.)
Well hurry it up. And make sure you park legally. One more ticket and
your ass is history.
CUT TO:
EXT. MUTT CUTS DOG SALON - DAY
This building is white with black spots on it, like a DALMATION. Over the front door is an
awning shaped like a DOGS SNOUT, whiskers included. A van pulls up outside.
The vehicle is decorated like a GIANT POODLE, with four legs hanging off the sides, a tail in the
rear, and a dogs snout on the front grill. MUTT CUTS is written on the side of it.
HARRY DUNNE climbs out. Hes in his early 30s and dressed in a ridiculous BEAGLE
COSTUME, including a CAP WITH FLOPPY EARS. He goes to the rear of the van, opens it,
and a swarm of DOGS pile out.
HARRY
Okay, gang, single file. You know
the rules: No pushing, no humping,
and no sniffing heinies?
The door to the shop opens and Harrys annoyed boss, MR. PALMER, sticks his head out.
PALMER
Hey, why arent those mutts on
leashes?
HARRY
The same reason youre not on a
leash, sir ?because its demeaning
and it chafes like hell.
PALMER
Just get them in here now! They all
have to be bathed and clipped in an
hour.
Palmer disappears back inside. Harry CALLS to the dogs but they pay no attention. He struggles
to keep them from wandering off. He grabs a couple of SMALL POOCHES and sits them on a
wall.
HARRY
You kids stay right here?
As he turns to round up the other, we discover that the wall isnt a wall ?its a flatbed truck. The
truck drives away, taking the two dogs with it.
HARRY (CONT.)
(at truck)
Hey, wait a minute!
Harry chases after the vehicle.
CUT TO:
EXT. EAST SIDE ESTATE - DAY
Lloyd Christmas pulls the limousine into a long, tree-lined driveway. He gets out and looks up in
awe at an IMPRESSIVE STONE MANSION. He WHISTLES to himself, then walks to the front
door and RINGS THE BELL.
The double-front doors of the mansion open and MARY SWANSON appears. Shes 25 and
gorgeous. Lloyds jaw drops open when he lays eyes on her.
MARY
Hello.
(beat)
Ill be just a minute?
As Mary steps back inside, Lloyd takes out a tiny can of Binaca. He sprays his mouth, under his
arms, his hair, behind his ears?
CUT TO:
INT. LIMO - DAY
Lloyd is driving and Mary is in the back, looking out the window, lost in thought. Shes got a
BRIEFCASE resting on her lap and she fingers the leather nervously. Lloyd keeps glancing at her
in the rear-view mirror, but for a moment he is speechless. Then:
LLOYD
Why you going to the airport? Flying
somewhere?
MARY
(dead-pan)
Howd you guess?
LLOYD
Well, I saw your luggage, then when I
noticed the airline ticket, I put two
and two together.
(beat)
So where you heading?
MARY
Aspen.
LLOYD
Oh, youre gonna love it. I hear
Californias beautiful this time of
year.
Mary looks back out the window and Lloyd sneaks another glance.
LLOYD
Names Christmas. Lloyd Christmas.
MARY
Im Mary.
ON LLOYD - we can almost see his mind work. Hes desperate to impress her.
LLOYD
Uh, this isnt my real job, you know.
Its only temporary.
MARY
Oh?
LLOYD
Yeah, you see, my friend Harry and I
are saving up our money so we can
open our own pet store.
MARY
Thats nice.
LLOYD
(smiling)
I got worms.
MARY
I beg your pardon?
LLOYD
Thats what were gonna call it: I
Got Worms. Were gonna specialize in
selling worm farms ?you know, li
