well all have five. If you gave us two, wed have six. You
understand how it works now? Is oscar playing or not? Hey, oscar!
Yeah? [Murray] hey, oscar, you in or out? Out, pussycat, out! Told
my wife Id be home by 1:00 the latest. Were making an 8:00 plane
to florida. I told you that. Who goes to florida in july? Its off-
season. Theres no crowds, and you get the best room for 1/10 the price.
Well do it some other time.
Okay, then.
No.
Hey, let me give you a hand. Just hand me your staple gun.
- The... what? - The staple gun.
- Its right behind you. - Oh! Staple gun.
Thank you. You are really saving me here.
Youre welcome. I love this whole Choose Happiness thing.
Yeah. Its based on the classic philosophical concept...
that happiness is a choice, not a condition.
Maybe theyre getting
Well no, but... Jeanne, are you
happy at home?
JEANNE
Oh yes... very.
PRIEST
And your mother -- everythings fine
with her?
JEANNE
Oh yes, shes... wonderful.
FLASH: we see Jeannes peasant MOTHER, sitting by the
fire, sewing. Their home is little more than a hovel -- a
low, dark cave of a place, traversed by a huge beam.
PRIEST
Good, good. And your sister...
Catherine -- shes still your best
friend
well-groomed SCIENTISTS studiously examine the removed panel, their intense concentration is periodically disrupted by the hysterical guffaws of a nearby group of three uniformed SECURITY GUARDS, who appear to be refugees from the Neolithic period.
The Guards, totally oblivious to the Scientists, are regaling each other with pitiful and infantile jokes.
GUARD #1
... so she said to him, "poo-poo o
weller...
...from time to time I had to visit the mainland.
This is Imogene. You can hold her if you like.
Thats... Well, okay.
Yeah. Got her. Lovely.
Yeah, shes delightful, isnt she?
I know. Isnt she?
To tell the truth, Im being crap with her.
You better take her back.
She couldve been yours if you got your act together.
Just think of that, yeah.
So, the place is looking really nice.
well is wonderful.
[Man]
Two lumps?
[Woman]
No, one.
I dont know your favorite actors.
I cant remember the name
of your favorite perfume.
Thats funny.
Its "My Sin."
[Man] In the last years,
Ive always loved you.
Well. Did we like it?
Ben Walsh was wonderful.
It was funny.
It was a comedy. Wasnt it?
Clyde Banners getting fat.
He should never turn profile.
Most of us shouldnt turn profile.
What wer
Well, now you know
its possible.
Hes not Peter Pan.
He cant fly.
We need you.
Youre going to have
to wait here
until the x rays get back.
At least she didnt dump him
in a pot of boiling water, huh?
Yeah, she did that last month...
said his bath was too hot.
What have we got?
This one was found
in a dumpster.
Jesus.
- Social Services?
- Mm-hmm?
Hes not breathing on his own.
Can you sign off?
Sign
Well, his mom never
cooks for him, poor thing.
Hey, guys, its Lena.
Hey, guys.
How you doing?
Miss Randall Dean?
Whats the cosine here?
Um, its...
ahem.
Writing another
love song, Miss Dean?
All right.
Another student.
Okay. No more of this.
Oh, no, Little Miss
Hates Math.
Next time,
were at least getting a "C."
Its hopeless.
Aw, come on.
Enough of this
teen pessimism.
I have five minutes
for a p
John Tucker Must Die Script
I was in seventh grade...
when I realized
I was invisible,
Well, not that kind of invisible,
No, it was more like I was
just,you know, kind of,.,
Anonymous, A-N-O-N-
I-M-O-U-S,
Anonymous,
Im sorry, Thats wrong,
W-O-R-N-G, Wrong,
Its not that I didnt try,
I mean, I was always a real...
Loser,
L-O-S-E-R, Loser,
Homework for tomorrow...
Of course,
when it came to love...
Well, theres this gay Ive beenseeing and now he wants to fuck me.
[ Girl #1 ]Hes only gonna hurt you.
- [ Girl #2 ] Do you wanna fuck him?- Well, hes cute.
- [ All Laughing ]- Does he say he loves you?.
Yeah, gut he just wantsto get in my pants.
But do you love him?.Nina, isnt that right?.
Well, I dont know about that.
But what I do know is,if have sex with a guy,
I want him to be my friend.
So l