gonna be plenty
of girls on this trip.
Yeah, were off to a great start.
- Say "knock, knock".
- Knock, knock.
- Whos there?
- Who?
- Dont you get it?
- What?
You dont get that joke?
All right, Ill try another.
- Say "knock, knock".
- What?
- Say "knock, knock".
- Whos there?
- No, no, no. You say "knock, knock".
- Knock, knock.
- Whos there?
- Who?
- No...
- (laughter)
Youre right, it is a pub.
GIRL OF MY DREAMS
"Girl Of My Dreams" a screenplay by William C. Martell.
Copyright 1999 by William C. Martell
"GIRL OF MY DREAMS"
EXT. GRASSY HILL, 1983 -- DAY
The shadow of a tree on the crest of a hill... the verdant
rolling hills near the college town of Santa Mira.
A car twists up the narrow road to the top of the hill.
The car parks at the crest of the hill, and laughter spills
out as the d
Laughter
Or not
Mr. November.
Mr. December.
Hi, kids. Wheres your father?
Hes upstairs masturbating to gay porn.
- Again? - Yeah.
- Hey, kids. - Hey, Dad.
I was just taking a shower. Yep, just had myself a shower.
Shower?
Honey, youre home!
Wally, youre hurting me.
Im just so glad youre home.
Baby? Get in the vehicle, baby.
Im not getting in that vehicle!
Baby, this is my gift to you.
What? Gift?
Laughter]
Bills, bills!
Greedy vultures,
the lot of you.
Hi, Helenka?
This is Louka.
I suddenly
felt so lonely,
so guess who
I thought of?
Thats right, you.
Helenka,
you wouldnt be scared
of a night in my tower?
To the theater?
Of course Im not mad.
How could I be?
No, get going then. Bye.
[ Dialing ]
Zuzi?
Its me, Louka.
Zuzi, I suddenly
felt so lonely,
so guess who I thought of?.
You, of course
LAUGHTER. Slamming iron DOORS. A bleating animal
CRY. A LAMB, white and blank-faced, skitters across her path and
on into the dark. No reason why its there.
Then another SOUND, much nearer -- the slithering SCRAPE of
something like fingernails across slate. It sets our teeth on
edge, twists the MUSIC, and sends TINA running.
3. INT. BOILER ROOM. 3.
Suddenly TINAs a tiny figure running among huge
Laughter]
What is it?
[Thud]
I cant believe it, man.
That story gets funnier
every time I hear it.
Yeah.
Thanks for the support.
Man, come on.
You know what your problem is?
I think its
a lack of self-confidence.
I mean, I know you go out
on dates and everything...
but I think when you find
the girl of your dreams...
you cant seal the deal,
you know?
Pick the fruit, spit the wad.
-You know what I
laughter, ha-cha-cha.
I wanna dance.
[Singing] I wanna dance till the cows come home
Just what do you mean by this?
I dont like the way youre running this boat.
Get in the backseat and let your wife drive.
CAPTAIN: Ive been captain of this ship for years.
Twenty-two years?
If you were a man, youd go in business for yourself.
I know a fellow, started last year with a canoe.
He has more women than
Laughter]
I mean, a wild girl!
In fact, when I met her,
she was doing pushups
in her cucumber garden.
Hey, at least this isnt
The Wally Sparks Show.
Id like to have all the girls
Wally turned down.
Yeah? Id like to have all
the girls you turned over.
Ha ha ha!
Oh!
Our guests today all live far
beyond the borders of normalcy.
Everybody,
Id like you to meet...
the man who has fallen in love
with th
Lenny Script
(clears throat)
Oh, l would say, uh...
Lets see, he was busted
at least nine or ten times.
Twice for possession of narcotics,
and three, four times for obscenity.
Um...
(man)
Ladies and gentlemen, Lenny Bruce.
(cheering)
Did you know that Eleanor Roosevelt
gave Lou Gehrig the clap?
(laughter)
Whatd he say? Jesus, does he
have to get that low for laughs?
Whats the point?
Thats really