really?
ROBIN
Mm hm. Nothing professional. Mostly amateur talent
competitions.
JANE
Oh, "Star Search" or something?
ROBIN
Sort of. Only I never made it that far. I played the
piano and sang.
JANE
What did you sing?
ROBIN
"Way Over Yonder." Carole King. "Close to You." The
Carpenters. It was the seventies.
JANE
"Close to You"?
ROBIN
You know, why do birds suddenly appear every time you
appear,
really?
- Really.
Whos this?
- Your girlfriend?
- No, thats my daughter, Elaine.
Thats a hot one.
By the way, my name is Earl Keese.
I was real friendly
with a boy named Earl once.
Well, twice really.
So youre all moved in next door, huh?
Its a very good house. I imagine
youll want to freshen it up.
Give it a new coat of paint,
mow the lawn.
Is your wife here?
Shes in the kitchen.
- Shes dying to
real good with mine.
Put it away, Charlie.
Dont be so jumpy, kid.
What are you doing?
Watching your back. I dont
like it when you go off without me.
I told you to get things
ready. I got things ready...
then I come
to watch your back.
Christ! This is like
a bad dream.
I have bad dreams.
Hell, yes. Just look at me, you
can tell I have terrible dreams.
Riley, whats your ?
We checked out the town.
T
real fan. She wouldnt
acknowledge she was outdated.
When we were together
at home we listened...
to Rita Pavone. "II Ballo
del Mattone." Know the song?
- Who is it?
- Auntie?
- No, wrong floor.
- Excuse me.
It was very popular.
They used the song for a movie...
Mom told me.
It went...
- Who is it?
- I see.
- Auntie?
- Yes. Who is it?
You cant recognize
your favorite nephew?
- Fabin, is that you?
drive
before we get to Cousin Charlottes.
- Sorry.
- Now, here.
You take these here keys
and make sure you use them.
I dont wanna come back here Sunday
night and find the house all cleaned out.
Talking about cleaning,
you didnt do the steps this week...
and the oven could use
a good scrubbing.
I didnt have time to make the beds,
and theres washing to be put out.
Wave goodbye to your cousin Eleano
really like to know
where its all going to go.
??
DOCTOR
Do you have any idea what triggered
this concern?
??
ANN
Well, this weekend John was taking
out the garbage, and he kept
spilling things out of the
container, and I started imagining
a container that grew garbage,
like it just kept filling up and
overflowing all by itself, and
how could you stop that if it
started happening?
??
DOCTOR
Ann,
Really? - So soft.
We should probably get going.
- Come on, Dad. - Bye,Joe.
- Bye. - See you next weekend, sweetie.
Were gonna see an authentic Indonesian dance troupe.
Its a dream come true, Mom.
Dad.
Why do I have to spend weekends with them?
Cant we just drive by every Saturday and wave?
Your moms a little eccentric. Think of her as an exotic flower.
- And that made you what? Dirt? - Nat, shes
real good time.
HIGHWAY
The station wagon blasts down the pavement... Becomes a small
dot on the landscape.
TRANSITION.
A DOORWAY - NIGHT
the portal slams open revealing a man holding a huge
pistol,jack cates, s.F.P.D., a large and powerful man... He
stealthily moves up a stairwell.
CORRIDOR
He stops at the top of the stairs... Listens gun still ready.
A continuous sound of running water... Cates
drives.
MAN
Next!
DARIN
Go ahead.
MAN
Yo next!
DARIN
Go ahead!
MAN
Yo next! Woah! Read this sign. You must be at least this big to ride
this ride!
CYNTHIA
What?
MAN
Hey, I dont make the rules here. Next! Next!
CYNTHIA
Well, its a stupid rule.
MAN
Look, why dont you try the kiddy ride?
SCENE 8
JOSH
Drop twenty-five cents here. Cmon! Cmon! Cmon! ...Neat! ...Make
my wish....I wish I were big....Yo
Joe Dirt Script
Turn it up.
Dang.
Thats what Im talking about. L.A.!
Radio station l.D.
Coming to work. Joe Dirt.
Dont try and church it up, son.
Dont you mean Joe Dirt?
Naming you that, your daddy
must have really hated you.
Youre wrong, brother.
I got a good name
for this car: Rusty.
-Shitll buff out.
-Dont bother.
Drive this piece of crap off a cliff.
Do us all a favor.
This look like a piece