분야
hwp MAN BITES DOG
(IT HAPPENED IN YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD)
Ive just finished
ballasting the corpse, see?
That means you fill it
with certain things because...
You may not be aware that
a corpse under water
swells up with air, see?
So it tends to float
to the surface.
You have to load it
with ballast so it sinks.
You weight it down with stones
and other heavy stuff.
Theres a ballast ratio
for corpses...
Three times body weight
for an average adult
like this victim.
But for children
and midgets its different.
Kids are lighter.
So its four times body weight.
What?
- Never had problems?
No. Midgets are heavier,
so you double the weight.
Midgets have denser bones
so you double the weight.
For old people, multiply by five.
Old bones are porous.
- Hi, Mom!
- Goodness gracious!
Hows my little boy?
This is Mom, thats Grandma,
this is the store.
This is where I grew up.
Grandpas not here?
- Hes out.
Hell be back soon.
What time is it?
Guess what...
My Grandpa.
Ive put up with her now
for years!
Imagine that.
Imagine the effort it took him?
Guess who made the effort,
me or him?
Hats off. Ive put up
with her now for years.
He was such a cheerful little boy.
Full of pranks,
and blond as a field of wheat.
Dont tease me, Papa.
- Stop it or Ill cry!
You ruin everything.
Benoit was such a delight.
- A good boy?
- A darling!
He was affectionate and sweet.
Laughing all the time, all the time.
What do you mean, ""he was?
Hes not anymore?
You dont understand me, Papa.
How they bickered!
Like cats and dogs!
Lights!
I usually start the month
with a postman.
I get up in the morning
and spend it pinching pensions.
At the same time this allows me
to locate old folks with money.
What I avoid are young couples.
They stink of poverty.
Its unpleasant.
But old folks are loaded, thats for sure!
Ive never seen an old pauper.
Stingy? Yes. But paupers? Never.
You watching me... or the kids?
They have guns just like me.
Not bad at all, these gadgets.
Give me one.
Go on and play.
No school today?
Thats the trouble with women.
Thats the trouble with women.
Sure Ive been hurt before.
I gave them something,
they gave me something.
But there comes a time
when you start to ask questions.
All on account of that little door.
In a couple,
the door has to stay open.
And when its open
its either to bring
in new nourishment...
or its to let you out.
Either you add a little seed...
and that seed can be a baby,
or a good time or a holiday...
Or you get out,
lock, stock and seed.
With women, you cant always tell
if the doors open
and if its time to add a seed,
or get the hell out.
Ive been hurt
because Id open the door wide,
and theyd shut it.
Love leaves a trail of sulfur
like some lingering smell.
As soon as you meet someone,
you smell it.
Like when you take a leak,
your fingers smell.
You have to wash them
two or three times
so you can forget you pissed.
Watch me, Ill show you a trick.
As a kid they called me
""The Octopus.
Know why?
Because I could make
any part of my body move on its own.
Ill show you.
All by itself. Watch my nose.
Look.
Now my ears. Watch closely.
See that? Look!
Now the right one.
Now the left... See?
I can make something else move,
but its not for the camera!
Turn it off, you jerk!
- Got home okay last night?
- No problem.
I figured you guys
must have been bushed.
Throw the keys down.
Or are you coming down?
Ill throw you the keys.
Its not the right key.
Its not this one.
Must be the other one.
Look whos here! Benoit!
Im so glad to see you!
What a surprise!
Howve you been?
Fine,Jenny.
Im here with a camera...
Theyre doing a thing on me.
Do you mind?
- Not at all.
Come in, come in.
Dont stay out there.
So whats new?
- I had a rough time locating you.
I thought you still lived at Sablon.
We were evicted by urban renewal.
Heres where we wound up.
- Maurice gave me the address.
Im so glad to see you!
Got anything to drink?
My throats dry.
- Whatll it be?
- Some of your brandy.
