분야
hwp (woman) Everyone, please take
your seats. You heard the bell.
You know what it means.
Last week,
the assignment was
to write an essay about your family.
- Who they...
- (class) Are!
And what they...
(all) Mean to us!
Excellent droning. So l want
everyone to take out their essays.
Were going to read them aloud
to the class right up here.
My mom says that me and my dad
have very healthy appetites.
My mom and dad are very religious.
When theyre in their bedroom at night,
l always hear them yelling, Jesus!
My mom says my dads eyes are brown
because he is so full of sh...
(teacher) Brian!
My brother Jack is in eighth grade.
He told me to ask my dad
who he voted for...
for... for President.
l did and my Dad said
hes a total Bush-man.
That made my brother laugh really hard.
Whenever my Uncle Stu
comes over to play pool with my dad,
my mom says the basement smells
like a Cheech and Chong movie.
Well... its like this.
My dog ate my paper.
l checked, but he didnt poop it out.
(class laughing)
What a lovely sentiment,
Mr. Etheridge.
Maybe your dog can eat the zero
youll be receiving too.
- Aw, man!
- (boy) Harsh.
Miss Trinke?
lts your turn now.
My dad says life can be
split into two categories:
New Jersey... and New York.
(music playing)
(girl) My dad was a Jersey boy
who became the youngest
and most successful music publicist
in New York City.
By the time he was 27,
he had 100 people working for him.
And even though they all loved him,
he loved them even more.
My fellow flacks and spin doctors.
Salud.
(girl) Daddy loved his job,
but not as much as he loved my mom.
Mommy was a book editor in
New York City when her and Daddy met.
Daddy said theirjobs
were kind of the same...
they made slight corrections
for their clients.
Because George Michael is a pimp
who is all about the ladies, my friend.
Come on, l Want Your Sex?
That sound like hes singing to a guy?
Daddy worked so much that sometimes
Mommy could only see him late at night.
Daddy says thats why they
both loved the city so much -
it never went to sleep.
And neither did him and Mommy.
But after a year of romance
in New York City,
Daddy said it was time
to show Mommy where he came from.
So he took her home to New Jersey
and put her through what he said
was the biggest test
their love would ever face:
Introducing her to my pop.
- Hey, how are ya?
- Howre ya doin?
- Howre ya doin yourself?
- This is Gertrude.
Hi. Merry Christmas.
- And what do you do, Mr. Trinke?
- Easy on the Mr. Trinke. lts Bart.
l work for the borough,
for 30 years now.
Hes the only man in Highlands
licensed to operate the street sweeper.
Oh, man, l always wanted
to ride in one of those things.
Well, you continue seeing my son,
l can probably get you a turn at the wheel.
l was only gonna sleep with him
a few more times and then dump him,
but now, after an offer like that...
Holy shit.
Listen to the mouth on this one!
Oh, yeah, they dont make em
like Mom anymore, do they, Dad?
- Now, listen, lm goin to the bar.
- What a shock.
lf you guys are gonna do anything
while lm gone, stay the hell off of my bed.
- Youre going to a bar?
- Didnt he tell ya? lm an alcoholic.
- Well, l wanna go to the bar too.
- No, you dont wanna go to this bar.
lts a bunch of old guys talkin about
how good they had it under Kennedy.
The man was a goddamn saint.
lm goin to the bar with your dad.
You can come if you want.
No, thats OK.
lll stay here and do the dishes.
l only cooked.
Why shouldnt l clean?
Suit yourself.
But dont wash that pan.
l got a layer of juice built up for the pork
roll, and l dont want you scrubbin it off.
That juice is called grease, Dad.
lts bad for you.
lt clogs your arteries.
lts called juice.
And it greases a fathers insides
so that he can better swallow
the shit his son feeds him twice a year
when he can be bothered
coming to visit him.
(girl) So that night,
Daddy took Mommy to Pops bar,
where she got to meet
Pops other children,
his best friends Greenie and Block.
Hey, your kids cuttin a rug.
Who are you, Connie Chung?
Daddy said, because Mommy
survived her first trip to Jersey,
he knew she was a keeper.
He said they celebrated their
engagement by going out for pizza.
And thats how I got here.
Do we have enough of these at home,
or should l steal some?
lf youre gonna steal something,
steal some rubber gloves.
(knocking)
- Thank you!
- Youre welcome!
And with that,
everyone lived happily ever after.
Almost.
Look, youve got two minutes,
and then we have to go, OK?
- Or lm gonna leave.
- Would you stop rushing me?
l dont understand how somebody who had
all day sitting around to get ready
waits till 20 minutes
before we have to leave!
You try getting anything accomplished
with this big gut in your way!
This is one of the few days of the year
that l can be fired for being late!
Anytime that you wanna carry this baby,
Ollie, you let me know! OK?
l would be glad to go back to wearing
regular dresses instead of this tent!
The dress looks fine.
lts gorgeous, OK? lts
