report due.
-On Magellan. Yeah, she and I talked.
Look, Ade, between you and me,
we got it covered.
Ive gotta get on the road.
Shouldnt you be leaving?
-Sit down.
-Ive got a ferry to catch.
-For a minute, please.
-Ahem.
Yeah?
I wanna come home.
What?
I dont know how I could have
been so stupid.
I know any chance
that you could forgive me...
-Forgive you?
-... is out the window.
-Only-
-Only what?
dear friends,
may the best of your past
be the worst of your future.
Ill drink to that.
Take a bow, my dear.
Take a bow.
We got the mistletoe.
Oh, sweetie.
Eight years...
Except for my name,
all traces are lost.
I used to hire
expensive detectives.
Now Im down to the cheap ones.
Doesnt seem to matter.
The woman I was, the one
I used to be, shes gone.
Ive kissed her goodnight.
Police!
Dont move!
W
reporter.
Now, I will go to the ends of the Earth to bring you a great story.
But I need the chance.
You know, Tim, when I look at you, I see myself at your age.
-Really? -And I was a moron!
-Huh. -But you got a lot of nerve, OHara, and I like that.
Sometimes. Okay, its yours.
-B-B-B-But you said- -Shut up, Felix.
You wont- You wont regret this, sir. You really wont.
OHara! You screw up this Vand
M Script
Just you wait, it wont be long
The man in black will soon be here
With his cleavers blade so true
Hell make mincemeat out of you!
Youre out.
I told you to stop singing
that awful song!
Didnt you hear me?
That same cursed song over and over!
Dear me, thats heavy.
Whats the matter?
I told those kids to stop
singing that awful song,
but they sing it all day long.
As if we havent heard
enoug
Mommie Dearest Script
Yes?
Were ready for you, Miss Crawford.
Lets go!
And on our left, up the hill, is the
home of movie queen Joan Crawford.
Excuse me.
- Helgas finished in the living room.
- Good.
Carol Ann, help me with this.
Helga! When you polish the floor,
you have to move the tree.
If you cant do something right,
dont do it at all.
- Im sorry, Miss Crawford.
- Give me the soap!
You see, C
reporting direct from the scene.
- Whats this? - They are protesting against pollution.
They are a pain in the ass.
Janey!
London was hectic, but Im fair.
Get a cab and get over here. Ive got plenty of room.
Oh, screw appearances. I miss you.
Just a second.
Excuse me, thats not my suit.
I dont know what it was about. The valet came into the wrong room.
Im not jittery. Who else knows Im here?
Are
reporters wantto talk about your big win.
Yeah ? Hows my hair ?
Fabulous.You look great.
[ Gasps ]
- What time is it ?- l am sure your dad justgot held up in court again.
- Dad !- Maximilian !
Hey, how ya doin, creep ?
Good.
Me too, except my armhas been botherin me.
- Oh, no, Dad !- Oh, yeah.
lts becoming a claw !
- [ Growling ]- [ Giggling ]
[ Gasps ]Nothing can stop the claw !
Run, boy, run !S
dear boy.
Sweating is what we do.
Where is your sense of patriotism?
God save the queen.
- God save the queen. God bless her.
- God save the queen.
Thats about as patriotic
as it gets around here.
But youre Allan Quatermain.
Stories of your exploits have thrilled
English boys for decades.
That I know, and Nigel has done
a grand job reminding me.
But with each past exploit...
...Ive lost friends.
dear. I had to make it in the oven.
- I cant find our toaster anywhere. - Looky.
This oven toast is brilliant, sugar booger.
And your yolks are absolutely perfect, too.
Run away with me, my love.
OK. But well have to take my car
because your transmission needs a new compression cuff.
Whatever.
This is a good one. Quack, quack.
Would you call Jimmy? Hes going to miss the bus.
Jimmy, breakfast!
Tim
dear. Ill be back in
twenty minutes. Its tulip season
today. Im so happy.
And now she turns and faces the hallway... her sweetness
dissolves in a flash... replaced by repulsion and that
quickly she has reversed herself and re-entered her
apartment... closing the door as we consider her vacated.
POV - MELVIN UDALL
in the hallway... Well past 50... unliked, unloved,
unsettling. A huge pain in