분야
hwp Light your nuts on fire.
Fuck! Fuck! My hands!
Too hot for Jonah!
I got fucking water in my mouth!
Oh, my God!
I got to get off! I got to get off!
Got to get off! Got to get off!
Sadie, wake up!
Oh, my gosh!
Daddy, wake up!
Okay, Im up.
Is that my genius over here?
Is that my genius?
I need you to take the kids
to school this morning.
- I would, but Im supposed to work out.
- What?
Yeah. I got an appointment with a trainer.
I cant cancel it now. Hell charge me.
- You didnt tell me that.
- Yeah, I did.
- Last week I told you.
- You didnt tell me.
I did. And then I wrote it
on the calendar like you told me to.
No, you didnt tell me.
- I did tell you.
- Well, you didnt,
but what are we gonna do,
cause I have an appointment?
So youre taking the kids to school.
Dont use the baby to cover your tracks.
I can drive them. Ill drive them to school.
- Thank you very much.
- Great. Good.
You turned my sister into a limo driver.
- I dont mind.
- It all worked out!
What are you giggling about?
Be quiet. Youre starting to annoy me.
- Poo poo.
- Ladies. Be nice.
- You know what I did the other day?
What?
- I googled "murder."
- You googled "murder"?
- Yeah.
- Why?
I mean, what did it say?
It didnt say anything.
It just showed pictures
of people lying dead on the floor
and blood everywhere, and...
That was just ketchup.
- Who wants to hear some music?
- I want to hear Rent.
I want to hear Green Day!
- No, were listening to Rent!
- Well, I want to listen to Green Day.
I got your baby!
- Dont taunt her. Come on.
- Here.
Sadie! Why did you just do that?
Dont throw things at your sister!
She hit me.
- Did you hit her?
- I did not.
Make her happy. Its okay.
- It wont make her happy.
- Its okay. Its okay.
She spilled all the marbles
on the floor.
Well, give her her marble back.
All right? Are you sure
you understand the terms of the bet?
- Because this is serious.
- No.
Martin, all right, listen.
You dont shave your beard
or cut your hair for one year,
and if you can do that, I will pay your rent.
But if you shave,
then you have to pay all five of our rents.
Thanks for the free money, bitch.
Hey, Martin, was it weird
when you joined the Taliban,
being American and everything like that?
Like when you see a woman driving a car,
do you just get pissed?
Just watch your back, Serpico.
You never know who your friends are.
Okay, all right. You guys
cant make fun of me the whole time.
But, Martin, its a competition.
Its called the Dirty Man Competition.
Were gonna make fun of you
until you shave the beard.
- Thats the rules.
- Thats the whole point.
Youre supposed to be
tempted into shaving.
Your face looks
like Robin Williams knuckles.
You guys arent allowed to make fun of me.
Its not part of the rules.
Martin, why didnt you just listen to me
when I was explaining the rules?
You just looked at me
with that blank stare of yours.
It was like talking to a wax statue.
Okay, guys, are you ready?
So, "Only at fleshofthestars. Com
will customers be able to find
"exactly how long into what movies
their favourite stars are exposed."
- Nice.
- Oh, fucking brilliant.
Pretty good, right?
- Yeah. Yeah, ka-ching.
- Were in.
All right, guys, lets start logging, all right?
Charles Manson?
Do you have any other thoughts?
Good, awesome,
lets start this off with a bang.
Jamie Lee Curtis. I got
an hour and 10 minutes into Trading Places.
Both chesticles.
I got Julianne "Red Beard" Moore.
Short Cuts, two hours, 17 minutes,
bush no boobs.
- Julianne Moore special.
- She loves it.
Ive seen that,
and from the look of her bush, Short Cuts
is the wrong name for that movie.
- Nice.
- Nice. Nice. Well done.
Her bush looks like the hedge maze
from The Shining but red
and without Scatman Crothers in it.
Red Bush.
Red Bush.
So if you want that perfect tan like the stars,
hes the one to see.
Well be right back on E! News. Stay with us.
- Okay.
- Okay, is Jessica Simpson here yet?
Let me check. Let me see.
- Is she on her way? Shes left her house?
- Hey, guys?
Okay, let me know when shes pulling in.
- Shes about to pull in.
- Is she camera-ready?
Is she camera-ready?
If shes gonna be in hair and makeup
for three hours, I cant do it.
Im not gonna be here.
I got to do American Idol.
Its live. I got to do it. I got to be there.
- What are we gonna interview her about?
- Nothing personal.
- No personal questions.
- No personal questions.
Dont ask her about her sister
and her nose job.
- No plastic surgery questions.
- No plastic...
No personal questions.
She doesnt want to talk about her boobs
or her fathers comments about her boobs.
Great. Well talk about the Middle East
and maybe an idea of an exit strategy.
Maybe she has a good pitch.
Should I ask her about Korea?
Maybe have her point it out to us
on a globe?
I dont understand
the young talent in this town!
It doesnt make any sense. I got four jobs.
Hell, Im more famous
than half the people we talk to, anyway!
No one stands up.
No one has the balls to sit them down
and say, "Look, just cut the shit."
B
